Caramelized Onion Bacon Cream Cheese Dip

{ NEW COOKING VIDEO! }

Since the 4th of July is TOMORROW, I thought it would be the perfect time to give you a dip that you can feel good about devouring in 3 minutes. Dips are my FAVORITE thing to eat at a backyard BBQ and this is an elevated version that is completely dairy-free! I love it so damn much!

But enough about dip, we gotta talk about what’s important here – The Bachelorette. I just love it. Becca says dumb stuff constantly that her producers have fed her. And the guys say dumb stuff constantly that they just conjured up in their own minds. It’s just pure gold. The episode starts off with Becca saying that Richmond, Virginia is for lovers than is closes in on a shot of her playing with the geese. Does she knows that those birds are geese? It doesn’t seem like it. Have you ever tried to play with a goose? Things can go horribly wrong with that plan. Believe me.

The episode starts off with Jason getting his first one-on-one. Chris, the guy who looks like Chandler’s roommate Eddie from the show Friends, starts to sh*t the bed with his insecurities. Insecure guys are some of my favorite people to interact with. And I dealt with a lot of them when I use to coach CrossFit. They just work their hardest to look like they have their sh*t together, but as soon as you give them a barbell, everything hits the fan. That’s the same thing for Chris. But his barbell is 8 other attractive buff dudes. And as we find out later in the episode, Chris use to be 300 pounds. It’s all becoming clearer. Especially when he says Lincoln is body shaming him. I’ve never heard a guy say body shaming and I’d prefer to never hear it again.

So Jason’s date is suuuupes weird. They start it off in a cemetery where they visit Edgar Allen Poe’s mothers grave. Haven’t you just ALWAYS wanted to go there?? Then after being around dead bodies for a good chunk of time, they head to a donut shop. Nothing gets me famished like a gravesite. Then they visit the Poe museum where the scene starts up with Becca in an upright coffin. They love death this episode. THEN they have to go to some unhappy hour where goths talk about death and dying. It’s all so romantic, I can barely stand it. Luckily the date ends in a cute way with Becca surprising Jason with 3 of his best friends at a bar…and Jason gets all choked up. I can forgive a man for his slicked back hair choices when he gets emotional about his bromances. That was cute.

Now for the group date. All the dudes have to debate each other in front of the capitol. Chris Harrison has to work his 4 hours of the week and all he does the entire time is say, “Do you have a rebut?” Is rebut a real word? I’ve heard rebuttal but I’m not sure that the shortened word is appropriate. Kind of like saying Hell instead of Hello. It just doesn’t make sense. But what do I know? A woman in South Carolina asked if Colorado was a blue state and I almost said it was a green state. Get it? Come on. I mostly just got super annoyed with her for wanting to chat politics while I’m trying to kayak. GO AWAY RANDOM WOMAN! The episode is mostly Chris falling apart, telling the debate audience at the capitol that Lincoln called him a fat f*ck and audience sh*tting their pants about the word f*ck. They would not like my blog or podcast. Chris continues to unravel into the evening and reminds all the women out there watching the show to not hit up his DMs when he finally gets kicked off. He’s a little manipulator with an anger issue. Not a great combination. BUT he does dress really well and I’m proud of his weight loss journey. You go Glenn CoCo!

Last date is Leo, the stuntman who also has a soft porn video out there. What an interesting life he’s had. The date is my nightmare. Becca is upset because Chris is the worst so she’s pouting most of the time. Which is totes understandable. Dating one psychopath was always challenging while I was in the dating world, but dating 9 of them at the same time – that’s psych ward status. They have to go shuck oysters in the freezing cold and she looks miserable the entire time. If you want to force me into cold water during cold weather, I will make a scene. The show has proved that Virginia is not for lovers – it’s for miserable days and lots of death.

After Leo gets back from his date, Chris immediately gets up and storms off to Becca’s hotel where Becca is somehow still in her fancy dress from the night. What woman in their right mind keeps on her dress the second she gets home? My dress and shoes are already in our front door entrance by the time I step foot in the house. Chris is getting super pumped up about Lincoln saying that he eats 12 eggs a day and that his cholesterol must be through the roof. Sweet burn Chris, sweet burn. He tells Becca that he can see himself marrying her after just last week when he said he wants to go home. It takes a special woman to want to deal with a messy dude like that. And Becca just isn’t that special woman. She lets him go and he looks like he’s talking himself down from punching a hole through the wall, Andy from The Office style. Speaking of, I’m going to put that show on right now.

The episode ends with no cocktail hour and Becca kicking off Connor, the dude who never had a real date but always impressed the nation with his full head of hair. And Lincoln, the Nigerian Prince who was mentioned to have sh*t on the floor, but none of us ever witnessed that. I hate when the editors show you something at the beginning and it never comes to fruition throughout the show. EDIT BETTER, YOU F*CKS. Sorry, Chris’s anger rubbed off on me. The most upsetting thing about this entire episode is that Lincoln has no exit interview. Where did it go? What did it say? Did his steroid-filled biceps finally explode so he had no time to talk? I need answers. And I need to hear his very feminine voice once more. Maybe he was whisked to Bachelor in Paradise. If that’s the case, I’m cool. If not, I need to know if he’s in a hospital somewhere we deflated biceps. Someone do some research for me!