Marinated Grilled Chicken w/ Mango Salsa (+ new cooking video!)

{ NEW COOKING VIDEO! }

Before I give a little recap of this weeks episode of The Bachelorette, I’ll quickly talk about the chicken. Even though chicken isn’t nearly as dramatic or interesting as juiced up dudes bickering with each other. But this chicken IS delicious! And it’s perfect for summer! If you haven’t watched my cooking videos yet, COME ON MAN!! I film these for youuuuu. Give me a little watch, give me your feedback, and I’ll leave you alone. Deal?

That’s a lie. I definitely won’t leave you alone.

Ok let’s chat Bachelorette. This season is pure magic! My SIL doesn’t like it whatsoever, but she’s still hoping for a fairytale love story. I’m just hoping for statements from drunk dudes that they can’t ever take back. Like Nigerian Prince Lincoln telling everyone that the world is flat in his incredibly feminine voice. He straight up thinks it’s flat. And he wasn’t even drunk. His reasoning is that when you look out at the area around you, it looks flat. So the world must be flat. I hope he never lives that statement down.

Anywho, the show starts off in a rose ceremony where Blake and Becca are chatting about how many kids they want to have and Blake says 5. It always annoys me when single men want an excessive amount of children. They don’t have to think about their vagina taking a beating 5 times in a row, so 5 children sounds like a dream. Ugh. I liked you Blake, but you’re a selfish assh*le. Just kidding, I love him. Then during the ceremony, David comes back with his broken face. Turns out falling out of a bunk bed onto your face isn’t great for your nose. And he broke his. He looks like one of those cartoon characters that was hit in the face with a frying pan. As the episode goes on, the blood from his black eyes move into his actual eyes. He’s a mess. But it worked in his favor because Becca gave him a pity rose. Nice work, David. In the end, blonde ponytail (first mistake) guy went home along with some guy who was literally never on camera. They will not be missed.

Becca announces they are going to Utah and everyone craps their pants. I’ve never been to Utah and I would like to go at some point, but I definitely wouldn’t scream about it. Garrett gets the one-on-one date and it’s quite apparent that Becca is SUPER into him. She is smitten as a kitten. Probably because all Garrett does is smile. Problem is, Garrett most smiles because he isn’t very good at speaking words in general. Becca asks about his last relationship and he explains that he met this girl who loved the outdoors like him, and that love for the outdoors turned into marriage then divorce. And he explained it in an even more awkward way than that. They were married for a solid 2 months before they cut the cord. That’s sad. I went to a wedding once that served crappy pies and that marriage only lasted 2 months. I bet Garrett served pie at his wedding. They were doomed from the start. The end of the date ended like all of them, with some country singer I’ve never heard of serenading them. So I hit fast forward. I don’t have time for that sh*t.

Next up is the group date with approximately 45 men. How are there so many left? Including John. John is the black sheep of the group which means he is the best. We all know he won’t make it much farther and I hope his instagram is getting blown up right now. He’s the nerd of the group who created Venmo. I love that little nerd. Anywho, they all go on a lumberjack date where they have to chop wood, saw through logs and climb trees. This date is filled with ginormous dudes like Lincoln. And Lincoln turns out to be the most awkward man of all time. There is nothing more unattractive than a buff guy who can’t do normal physical tasks. Chopping wood may not be normal but I can use an axe better than this guy. And that is so not hot. But the best part is that nerdy John dominates all the lumberjack tests with his much tinier body than all the football, stunt doubles and juiced-up dudes. I felt like a mother crying tears of joy for her son. Keep crushing it, John! We’re all rooting for you.

The date ends with a cocktail party where Jean-Blanc decides to work his magic. I’ve been waiting for this tool bag to come out of his shell and show off his moves. His intro video was showing off his hundreds of cologne bottles. I’ve always wanted my husband to wear cologne for a long time now, but that feeling has subsided after watching Jean-Blanc. He decides to make Becca a perfume…then quickly eat her face. He’s obviously one of those dudes that thinks gifts are a way to force someone to love you. And when Becca doesn’t instantly say she loves him, Jean-Blanc decides to tell Becca that he’s falling in love with her. Confident move for an incredibly insecure dude. But surprisingly, that move backfires. Probably because they’ve known each other for 8 days at this point, chatting twice within those 8 days. If a dude ever tells you he loves you after your second conversation, you need to get out of that relationship immediately. If he fell in love with you that quickly, he’ll do it again with another person. Believe me that. I know everything. Jean-Blanc is asked to leave where he then asks about the perfume, almost like he wants it back. He sucks.

The rest of the show is a blur…because I wasn’t really watching. Wills (that’s not a real name) goes on a snowmobiling date where he finally smiles for the first time. He also eats Becca’s face, but she’s super into it. The only thing I really noticed in this date is the weird scarf he’s wearing. It’s almost like a tie that he just lets hang like a scarf. It’s weird. He gets the rose and they dry hump up against the  wall. Then there is a rose ceremony that I fast forwarded through until the end where Christan and Nick get kicked off. Don’t care.

So far, I think it’s going to be between Garrett and Blake in the end. I haven’t listened to the spoilers and I hope I don’t hear any of them because I don’t want to know what happens this season. But maaaaaan, this season is SO MUCH BETTER than Arie’s season!!!

Marinated Grilled Chicken w/ Mango Salsa

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Ingredients

• 1/3 cup coconut aminos
• Juice of 2 limes
• 3 tablespoons olive oil
• 3 tablespoons honey
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 tablespoon red pepper flakes
• 1/3 cup cilantro, chopped
• salt and pepper, to taste
• 2 pounds chicken breasts, pounded

For the mango salsa

• 2 mango, diced
• 1/4 red onion, minced
• 1 red bell pepper, diced
• 1 avocado, diced
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• juice of 1-2 limes
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• salt and pepper, to taste

Instructions

1. Place all ingredients for the marinade in a bowl and whisk together until combined.
2. Pound chicken flat then place chicken in a large plastic bag and pour the marinade on top. Place in fridge to marinate overnight.
3. Place all ingredients for the mango salsa in a bowl and toss until combined.
4. Heat up grill pan and grease. Remove chicken from marinade and discard marinade. Place on hot grill pan, sprinkle with salt, cook 5-7 minutes per side, until grill marks show up.
5. Once cooked through and no pink remains (165 degrees F), top with mango salsa and serve!

by juli

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